The Kansas Board Of Education…

I found this in a comment on Digg. Therefore I am only able to cite ‘digg.com’ as a source.

The Kansas Board of Education voted today to eliminate mandatory teaching of the theory of evaporation from schools across the state. Most scientists believe that water and other liquids are spontaneously converted by so-called evaporation into the form of a gas, and carried off into the atmosphere. This, they say, is the explanation behind sudden disappearances of water all across the state.

Many non-scientists, however, stand by the widely accepted theory that a lovable invisible two-headed thirsty blue giraffe named Clarence is responsible for the disappearances. The two theories, evaporation and Giraffism, will now be taught on a more equal footing to school-children across Kansas. Parents are pleased, saying that Giraffism is easier to understand and far more comforting to small children. “There’s nothing happy about evaporation,” says Frank Nubbins, father of Jason, 6, and Sue Ellen, 4. “Clarence the giraffe is blue, and he’s lovable. You can’t say that about evaporation, that’s for sure. I love my children.”

“Nobody has ever adequately explained evaporation,” says Dr. Harold Thumper, of the Kansas Board of Education. “With evaporation, we’re expected to imagine that water just disappears, all by itself, with no rhyme or reason. That’s ridiculous.”

Clarence the lovable invisible two-headed blue giraffe, on the other hand, is always thirsty, an explanation which is simple and obvious. He has a well-established presence in children’s literature. “Every culture on the planet,” says Dr. Thumper “has a story about giraffes, or thirstiness, or lovable blue things. Most of these have happy, happy endings. My children just love these stories. But I challenge you to find a single good story about evaporation.”

The theory of evaporation is getting a dry reception in academia these days. At leading universities including Harvard, Stanford, and MIT, it’s impossible to find a single professor of Evaporation on the faculty. “What’s the point?” says Gwen O’Malley, dean of the Harvard Medical School. “It’s not exactly a good career move to spend your life trying to explain evaporation to people.”

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Published:
04.05.07 / 2am
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